She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
