If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
