you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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