Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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