yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
