Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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