is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
In other news, I just burned my penis
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
