I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
