my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
try to milk me bitch
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