Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
