and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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