dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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