Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
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He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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