I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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