Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
