I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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