I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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