She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
