ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
