i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
