just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
