Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
