I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
