stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
