Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
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What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
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Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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