Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
