I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
