I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
