I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize