what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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