dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
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I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
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He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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