I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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