You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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