There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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