Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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