I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
