She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
