well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize