So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
