i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
