And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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