I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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