Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.