he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.