We won't sleep together?
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I thought spray tan was a myth
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
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I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
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The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.