i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean