My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
