Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I need moral support for this bender
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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