I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize