Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
