That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey