she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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