sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love