Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.