The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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