Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
