just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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