that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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