Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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